What It Means To Be A Good Listener?

See how we learn our Mother Language (MT/L1). As a child, we 'Listened' language spoken around us for 3 years. At the second stage, we 'spoke' in broken words and sentences for couple of years. At the third stage, we 'read' some picture books. Even alphabets were remembered as pictures. It is only in the last and fourth stage that we learn to 'write'. Thus, to say, L-S-R-W is natural way of acquiring language.

In today's high-tech, high-speed, high-stress world, communication is more important than ever, yet we seem to devote less and less time to really listening to one another. Genuine listening has become a rare gift—the gift of time. It helps build relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy. At work, effective listening means fewer errors and less wasted time. At home, it helps develop resourceful, self-reliant kids who can solve their own problems. Listening builds friendships and careers.

For instance:

• We listen to obtain information.
• We listen to understand.
• We listen for enjoyment.
• We listen to learn

Given all this listening we do, you would think we'd be good at it! In fact most of us are not, and research suggests that we remember between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear. That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation. This is dismal!

 Communication isn't just about talking with others and sharing stories, ideas, goals, and desires

We use skills to learn. Learning is of two types.

1] Active learning 2] passive learning

In active learning we have debates, seminar participation, several presentations, lab experiments, workshop practices, motivation, writing, speaking…

In passive learning we have listening, and seeing.

 It is a passive learning. Listening needs a lot of patience. It is an art.

A leader should have this skill in the first place. More and more knowledge can be gained by listening.

Listening is an important interpersonal and professional skill. It affects all aspects of life – from our personal relationships, to our job performance. Listening improves our relationships with others, and increases our knowledge and understanding of a subject. Good listeners save time and money, and have the chance to prevent problems, which may lead to better results in the end.

If you fail to understand the message being expressed to you, you will also fail in providing a substantial and meaningful response. This is the root cause of many arguments, misunderstandings, and complications, whether at home, school, or work.

In recent research, currently the second leading cause for divorce is “communication breakdowns”.

Let’s see, one more example..,

Take NASA, in 1999, two engineering teams responsible for collaborating to design the Mars Orbiter.  The 2 teams failed to communicate to each other, one team used metric units while the other used English units when determining key spacecraft. This miscommunication, led to Mars orbiter burning in space and the loss of the125 million dollars invested in the program.

So, let’s see how to become a good listener.

The Five Steps to Better Listening

There are five key active listening techniques. They all help you ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they say.

1. Pay Attention

This is the first and basic key for the listening.

Focus all of our energy on that speaker.

Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message. Recognize that non-verbal communication also "speaks" loudly.

• Look at the speaker directly.
• Stop distracting thoughts.
• Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal!
• Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. For example, side conversations. (Stop doing other things — fidgeting, texting, reading, etc., — while someone is speaking to you.)
• Focus on content, not delivery. If you find yourself counting the number of times someone clears their throat, touches their nose or says uh, your attention is not on the subject matter and you need to refocus more on the message.
• Don’t rehearse your response. Not yet. At this stage, your job is only to listen. If you start to plan a speech while the other person is speaking, you’re going to miss certain points and not be able to respond to their larger message when it’s your turn to talk.
  

2. Show That You're Listening

Showing our listening to the speaker, the speaker understands our feelings. Because, our body and facial expressions will show how to feel. Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.

• Make eye contact.
• Nod occasionally.
• Smile and use other facial expressions.
• Lean forward
• Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.

 Another way of showing of listening is take notes. If we are doing eye contact and taking notes, you look and feel like engaged, our attention isn’t disturbed. 

3. Provide Feedback

Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes and uh huh

Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.

• Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is," and "Sounds like you are saying," are great ways to reflect back.
• Ask questions to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you say?" "Is this what you mean?"
• Summarize the speaker's comments periodically.

4. Defer Judgment

Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.

• Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions.
• Don't interrupt with counter arguments.

5. Respond Appropriately

Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.

• Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
• Assert your opinions respectfully.
• Treat the other person in a way that you think he or she would want to be treated.
  

By perfecting this skill, we became a BETTER COMMUNICATOR, EMPLOYEE, FRIEND…..,etc.